The amount of times I’ve tried to start a blog…. Honestly, it’s too numerous to count.
I’ve always wanted to, but I had to make sure I had just the right idea. Suddenly, one would come and what a brilliant idea it’d be. Nothing like it had ever been done before. I could think of nothing else, happiness filled my heart as I waited for the day’s work to end so I could get started.
I get home, plop myself at my computer, prepare to do some hard, honest work and…. the mind changes its tune. Suddenly, the idea is absolutely terrible; time is better spent on other, more important things. My purpose is lost and life goes on as if the idea never existed. Rinse and repeat.
For so long, I always thought it was the idea that was the problem but it simply isn’t. They aren’t the ones that need improvement, I am. The mad scientist must be the one to reveal their creation to the world; should they fear the mobs and pitchforks, they will remain in their castle, never knowing their true potential.
Now, there is nothing wrong with being afraid. For many, it is a valuable asset.But when fear overtakes the mind, then it becomes a hindrance to life.
My greatest fear is failure. A very common fear, there probably isn’t a person on this earth who isn’t afraid of failing. Some have used it to their advantage but, for me, it has taken over every aspect of my life. School, work, family, friends: it doesn’t matter where I am, what I am doing or who I am with, any mistake made is a catastrophic failure. No exceptions.
Such a state of mind leaves you stuck. You stick with what you know and nothing more. But I have dreams, aspirations for my life. I long to travel the world. I wish to live on my own. I want desperately to be a writer. But I am scared, scared of the consequences of where these failures could leave me. Doing nothing, saying nothing spares you from failing.
And that is why I’ve never started my blog. Why I hesitated the moment I reached the starting line and backed out.But life cannot be lived doing nothing. We must try new things, make mistakes, learn from them, and become a better person.
So here I am, writing this blog. Why now? Because it finally hit me how much my fear has affected my life.I’ve considered this a year of change, a year to take risks; to do what I have longed to do, but have feared the consequences. In starting this blog, I have inched closer to the edge of the high dive, preparing for that exhilarating plunge off the deep end.